When you have a public blog that is accessible to everyone and anyone, there's always this pullback in my head between how honest I should be against how much do I relate to other human beings.

How often do you allow your creative side to take you on an unexpected journey?

The past year, I used my time away from work to let my creativity roam. Initially, I felt so lost and confused when I was given time off work. I just didn't know what to do with myself or knew myself enough to know what my hobbies are anymore. I remember loving books. I loved reading when I was child, but it has been ages since I've had the time (rather made the time) to read a decent book or article that did not revolve around my career.

So, I started off my year long hiatus with reading. I had plenty of time and I spent it at bookshops or on Amazon. I ended up reading a lot of books on mindfulness and meditation. In fact, I diligently read so much about anxiety and depression that I felt I could write a review with excellent references (coincidentally, my depression came during the time when books on mental health and mindfulness was a fad). In a couple of months, I had read more than 10 recreational books. This was more than any amount of books I had touched in years.

It was a great sense of accomplishment. Until I realised, yet again I made this into a silly competition on achieving. I turned this recreational activity into a 'How can I use this to succeed?". Yes, it did occur to me to use this time to write a memoir on my time spent with the black dog. After all, books on self-improvement were flying off shelves at the time!

Anyway, this meant I had to move on to the next "relaxing" activity.

I went on to learn about paper crafting and card-making. I bought a Cuttlebug. I told myself I needed it so I can do fancy die cuts and embossing - taking my paper crafts to another level. It was a lot of fun. I had a solid couple of months just making beautiful paper crafts to put into my Kikki K planner. Though after a while, I couldn't keep up with all the paper accumulating and I just didn't know what to do with them! What do people do with the crafts that they've made?

So, I moved on yet again to another activity. I started making my own hair accessories; hair bows, brooches, headbands, crowns. I loved it. Jewellery making could definitely be my IT thing. Though I still didn't know what to do with all my end products. This is when I started opening my Etsy shop and decided to learn a bit about running my own business.

Because I work full time as PhD student, I figured that this is the best way to motivate or remind me to keep my creative juices going by having this shop. With this shop, I've got no pressure of earning from it, and I also get to share my creative work with people who like or choose to purchase my products.

Finding the right creative activity is in so many ways beneficial to one's mental health. I cannot emphasise this enough! Personally, I always feel more rejuvenated after creating something despite the hours or energy it took me. It makes me feel ready to take on the realistic side of things. Whenever someone tells me that they're not feeling great, I say, "Why not do something you love?".

When we talk about creativity, I'm sure lots of people think that they've tried their hand at this or that and you never really stuck around. I say, "Be mindful while being creative". This means that we allow ourselves to fully immerse in the activity that we're doing. No other distractions, or wandering thoughts about work. Just one activity, one mindset. Learn to switch that working mind off after working hours! I'm sure we're all guilty of letting work take on more hours of our lives than it needs to!

Often, we feel obliged to do certain activities just because we think we should. When enjoyable activities become things that we should do, it adds pressure and really takes away the joy of doing it. Without much consideration, we also put a lot of pressure on how the things we do should make us feel. For example, we expect music or TV shows to lift our mood. When it doesn't, the expectation just makes us feel more deprived of what we need.

This is why we need to be carefully mindful. I insist on being careful because special attention needs to given towards what we're focusing on. Being mindful doesn't mean you harshly shut down everything else. Rather, we focus on the current thing. We give it careful and kind attention. We don't question, we observe. When we don't feel one way, we don't ask, "Why?", instead we recognise what we're feeling and be okay with that. We accept, we observe, and we let the feeling pass.

No pressure, and no obligations to feel a certain way. This is how we learn to sit with ourselves, and eventually accept that we feel everything all at once and none at all because we're only human.

One of the greatest feelings I get with doing what I want is doing it at my own leisure. I feel free! No obligations, no where to be, no time limits, no one I need to see, I can be in sweats all day, whenever I want to take a break, I just do. If I feel that I would like to suddenly break into song, I am free to do it! The experience of being free is so monumental to our soul. In that moment, it's all about you. Absolutely nothing about what goes on outside those doors. You can take up all the space!

Just. truly. you.

Now that I am back at work, I intentionally make time to do something creative at least once a week. I let my mind pick an activity, I shop for materials and get excited about it - a great way to look forward to time after work or on a weekend!

This is one of my Mermaid Crowns that I've made and is currently on sale on my Etsy. It took me hours to carefully select and place each pearl and crystal. Though tiring, every minute was worth it and the result was satisfying.

Cheerfully,
Rachel W.

It has been exactly a week from the first day I went back to work.

Today, despite not completing a full day of 9 to 5, I am absolutely wrecked. I had MATLAB classes from 1 to 5, attended group therapy from 6 to 730 and finally dinner with a friend till 10. If you didn't already know, you could be sat in a chair all day but have a 100% focus on a brain-taxing task for 2 hours, and I assure you, you will be wrecked to the floor! Today, that is me. I am total wreckage.

I haven't attended group therapy in a long while (perhaps for 6 months). At group therapies, we take turns to talk about our problems at the start of the session. This is known as "Checking in". It's exactly like the Facebook home page, 'What's on your mind?'

It's funny how our day-to-day conversations have moved on from 'conversations' to 'web chats' and posting statuses addressed vaguely to anyone who is out there on your "friends" list. Deep down in our core, we need deeper connections. We need someone to ask us what's on our mind, so that we can communicate and more importantly, connect. When we write our thoughts as an online status, we end up doubting and questioning ourselves. More than often, when I post something online, I think who is going to be looking at it, and do people really care?

I want someone to ask me. To approach and genuinely show me that they want to know. Then on, I can comfortably be assured that the person I telling my story to isn't judging me silently from afar and I'm not exposing myself to the world. I am simply building a connection and a level of trust with this person. These are crucial human needs that separates us from every other living being.

Just like every person posting about Trump at this time of the year, my patience has thinned out to repetitive issues that pop up during group therapy. Group therapy can feel repetitive after you've attended a certain amount of therapy sessions with a group of 6 or more people (whom the people in the group often switch). It is helpful because it brings us to realise that we're all basically the same, but it is repetitive because we are all essentially the same.

We have the same relationship problems, self-esteem issues, confusion between where you are now and where you want to be. We undergo the same problems even at different ages. We all fear something. And the best way to learn is to help each other through methods that have worked. The answer to every problem is a formula. It is theoretical and it is almost always structured the same way. The most difficult part in applying a practical approach is that our emotional portion gets the better of us.

Everyone thinks they know better. The truth is, ideally we should learn from the mistakes of others. Now, the quote 'learning from others' must've stemmed from somewhere because people make the same mistakes! This is why we've all come down to this very point again - it is important to talk to one another about our problems.

Group therapy is basically a community of people having gathered together because some person with a medical/psychological degree realised - we all now severely need an excuse to gather and meet and have a reason to talk about ourselves.

So, let us gather and talk because we're the only beings with emotional intelligence.

Our brains can do wonders if we allow it. Anxiety and depression limits the potential of our brain narrowing our thoughts. We just need to give our brain a much needed break and be very kind with it. It's adapting and doing the best it can with what it has right now. (Image source: http://everybodyhasabrain.tumblr.com/)

Genuinely,
Rachel W.

P.S. I'd love to hear if anyone reading this has felt the same way or feel they can relate to what I talk about. Just leave me a comment if you'd like to just say hi or add to the discussion. Let's keep this going!